So, today my energy is back. I can't get over how one really must move through this process with day-to-day in mind. One day (like last week) a new drug to help my bone lesions, gave me a 104.5 degree fever, and felt like someone was IN THE PROCESS of breaking bones and taking apart joints. I took all the pain drugs I could, then went into a hypnotic state for two days (literally). And slowly and day by day, climbed back out. The acute exhaustion and pain...woah.
Then there is today. I feel.....good. I think I can see where that new medication will be taking me. I have to take it once a month..."indefinitely". But the side effects are so severe with each dosage. I was told the first one is the worst. Again, wait and see.
Which brings me to a new point. I can tell from talking to you, some of you don't grasp. I will be doing Herceptin (blocks cancer cells from reproducing) and Zometa (stops bone tumors growing and fortifies the weak bones) indefinetly. Which is the gentle way of saying "until the cancer figures out how to get around it". Now, they have people on this for 8 years now. So it is good. But it is indefinite how long it will work. My port is permenant and I will be in treatment "chronically".
People keep asking when chemo will end:
When the tumors go into remission, I will be taken off of Abraxane.
I will then continue, once a month, with Herceptin and Zometa.
I however, I have hope in some CAM therapies that will really help the body hold in a healthy, I can keep this gone with my own immune system. I have read other who have. Can I? I don't plan to forgo medical care. But do what I can naturally to help. I daresay, forever !!!! My plan. We shall see.
Anyway. Had to give a reality check there for some of you. I think I have eased you all into this gently. Like the doctors try to do for me. So your head doesn't shut down and you keep on moving forward.
Most cases of breast cancer are "done deals". Those wonderful stories where it is all behind them. It is great we have come this far. There are those, who go to Stage IV, that I wish to give a voice to. We are kind of pushed out of the discussion table. Like cancer used to be in general. And to me, that is dangerous. To think "it is done". The work on breast cancer is NOT done. Cancer is luckily NOT a death sentence like it used to be. But there are still us Metastisized chics, who struggle through and hope. I am a lucky one. Herceptin seems to be working. And that gives me a LONG time to live and hope and work for a cure.
The past few weeks I have been struggling with this. How to live when you feel like you are dodging bullets all the time. And will be, if they are right.
I hope to find some other way to live through all of this. And I am. I return back to NOW as much as possible.
And today, I feel soooooooooooooooo great. Peaceful. Pain free. Loved.
Love to all of you,
Jenna
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