Something is starting to make sense

Been having a rough month. And I think I finally know why. Once I got still, and could listen and had a few good friends to bounce my "bouncing" thoughts off of, I do believe I have a clue. I have been in pain, sleeping a lot, and unable to fully "wake up" so many days. But it isn't depression. When it is past, I am very happy, peaceful, contented, hopeful. Then this monster comes and shuts my brain off half way. I believe it is a medication I am taking. And today proved it. I was doing fine, well, alert, and then the person with me saw it, I turned "off". Like a switch was flipped. My brain started having trouble processing information and I felt drugged.

Drugged.

I am pretty sure my meds needs to be tweaked. I had asked to be taken off one of the drugs, if not also the pain mends I have been on. They aren't going to like that at all. They always deswayed me. But I am not living my life right now. And there is n point in being here, if I am going to be here, tweaked out on drugs, on my couch, feeling like do-d0. Now I am going to demand it. There are alternatives I can rely on and can put in place.

That being said, I am moving into a 5 day "completely nuture my body" phase. I have been EXHAUSTED and not stopping. As a friend pointed out yesterday, the difference before and after a nap was marked. I know I have been exhausted and unable to stop.

That is where YOU come in. If you are close by. I need your help in "restore Jenna's energy" movement. For the next 5 days, I am resting, resting resting. Doing ONLY that which restores my energy.

I also need:

• Someone who can take Kara to school Monday and Tuesday. She needs to be there by 8:30.
• Someone to come over and cook my squash soup, and play scrabble while it simmers.
  
• Someone to do dishes every other day
• Someone to grocery shop at PCC for some basic staples. Apples, kale, lemons, etc.

Things are VERY off. I have spent the last three weeks in a walking sleep, and starting to be unable to have coherent conversations (at least it feels that way). When I do "crash", I sleep for days and can't get my brain to wake up. People around help with Kara. But now I need help too to get through this and get some energy back.

Last week, my friends who came over on an SOS call to help said I sounded drunk. I am really calling it in. I can see the way through, and taking 5 days of letting my friends step in and take care of me is required. I have to be vulnerable and honest right now. But I can see the way through, and that means asking for help.

I have thought about checking into the hospital several time this month for exhaustion. This can be fixed. This can be addressed. And I see how. But that means needing people to lean on.

Got an hour to spare here or there. Something on that list do-able? Let me know.

FOLLOW UP: Everyone once in awhile I go back through this blog to tweak it, edit it, and clarify things, or give follow ups. This one is LONG overdue and very important to me to get out there. If you are in medical care, DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SAY "THIS MED IS MAKING ME NOT RIGHT - WHAT CAN WE DO?" Meds are very powerful things, changing the neural synapic makeup and sometimes that damage, if goes on for too long, can't be undone. I had to be slowly taken down off this medicine, and it does make people "out of it" if it isn't good for them. BE PROACTIVE! SAY SOMETHING! There are options and the docs need to know. I have had to do this more than once, and everytime, we find out way around the med. BE PROACTIVE - it is YOUR body, and your body may react differently than the "norm". Okay? Soapbox gone ;)

Thanks
Jenna Helm

And food for thought:

Bombardment "What About Me?"
by whataboutme