Adaptation

Bug and I had a talk this morning about change and adaptation. I realized upon waking up (and barely being able to walk still) that it might be time to acknowledge we are really going to have to wake up together and look at the day brand new. What can mom do today? What does Bug want to do? How can we be flexible and let go of expectations, and instead look at each moment as the time to decide "What now?" instead of "What's next?". She agreed. She can see how the pain will stop me, even when I want to go. She has been incredibly flexible.

I really have to embrace this fluidity, or sink. I didn't expect to be still so in pain and weak 4 days after treatment. And all my ole standby's for pain relief don't apply really. They must be adapted. Yoga is out, mindfulness is in. Walking the park is out, sitting in the grass in my yard...in. Instead of doing Asana's, ,I do breath work. I move my hand in circles if that is all my body can do...I allow it to express the music in my head through dance...again, even if it is only my wrist and fingers. It is better than sitting in a pool of pity, stalemated with my past and how I "used" to do things. Maybe, if I adapt, I learn new tricks, and then maybe one day, I get to use ALL of them again.

I am foggy. I am on a couple of meds, one a narcotic. So I hope these entries make some sort of sense. It is my best and I am willing to try.

I can say this, this is ALL new to me. Life, a little be richer and deeper.

Your very own space-cadet,
with love,
Jenna