Imagination and Lack of Information

So, from talking to some of you directly, I can't imagine what it must be like. I know my body, I can feel what is going on, I get the information and decide what to share. You have to fill in the blanks.

And you imaginations are probably far worse than the reality.

I am reading this book called "Crazy, sexy, cancer tips". In it, there is a side box that says:

"Dear friends...Don't ask me how long the doctors have given me! (clip) I say, 'I don't know, how long have the given you?"

Really, when you get to stage four, I think it is a good a guess as anyones. Especially when you aren't showing signs of keeling over the next day. Some people defy the odds, and live for a decade, some people suddenly and rapidly decline. Why? Who knows. If I know I keeling over sometime soon, I will let you all know. Really. My doctor said she would, and I will tell you as well.

Right now, things look hopeful. I am going to start chemo and a drug that has shown REMARKABLE ability to stop cancer in its tracks. 75% chance it will stop it, or at least really slow it down, and the chemo will help clear it out. It is what my friend has done, and she is ALL CLEAR!!!!!!!!!

If it doesn't work, I will tell you. It STILL doesn't mean I am leaving tomorrow. I could be like the curmudgeons I heard about in PET, he is around, for no explainable reason, 7 years after being told her would die. I could get hit by a truck on my way to chemo. I have given up thinking I can control my death.

Do yourselves a favor, and let go of the idea that we can be predictable. We can't. It makes us ALIVE to be unpredictable. ;)

LOVING HUGS
Jenna