Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Still here

Hi everyone! I am still here. I am really facing some unexpected hurdles with pain. But my doctor said, "Each place the tumor was is like a fracture or a broken bone, those HURT even after the tumor is gone, just like a broken bone".

Now I have understood this before. But yesterday, when I remembered they stopped counting the number of tumors in my hips....no WONDER I hurt just walking from the car to my house. It is making me out of breath, and just wanting to sit down and worn OUT. I am trying to put myself in the mindset that if someone came up to me with a bat and hit my hips and spine....I would treat myself differently. I would approach healing differently. I would be PATIENT. I expect just because my markers are low, this should be over, and I should be FULL of energy and hiking.

But FIRST....I have to rebuild muscle around broken bones....while still on chemo (yes, I am still on chemo....from taking to some of you, it appears I have confused you on that point). And there is no end point in sight yet.

I am hitting a low point here, but also a turning point. I just keep praying for the where with all to keep going. 3 years of pain.....well, I am learning to practice what I learned in school (a degree in Health Psychology). But it is far far more challenging than I ever imagined. My whole body and biochemistry has changed, and is constantly shifting. THAT I never factored in, and am learning I need to work with here.

Wew...I have to get to Physical Therapy, but sick to my stomach and that makes my muscles weak. Hmmmmmmmmm. Determined though......


1 comment:

bigslamgyrl said...

Self discovery, learning what your mind and body needs. Good job rockstar. Just when I think I can't be any more proud of you, you take another turn on this journey and 'wow' me all over again. Peace, love and laughs, I love you.