Wednesday, April 21, 2010

But what does it all mean?

Hear those crickets chirping. I have neglected this blog a lot this past couple of months. At first it was because I was soooooooooo stinkin' tired. And in pain. But the past couple of weeks saw a reprieve from chemo because my numbers were so low and I was so hitting the wall with side effects. But I just was given another three weeks off completely. I don't even have to go in for Herceptin, because I got a three week dose this past Monday, along with my monthly Zometa. And that gives me THREE weeks. Wew.

In the meantime, we are going to do a PET/CT scan to peek inside and see what is going on. Tumor markers can sometimes be misleading. My doc said she doesn't expect to find much (?) Not sure what she meant by that. But I will leave it at that and just wait and see.

One doctor describe my markers pattern as "the cancer appears to be inactive". Now some of you got very excited by this, I am too. But I thought I would clarify a few points. I am on a break because I was hitting a wall with side effects....and the numbers are so low...not normal, but low. The cancer being inactive doesn't mean it is gone, it just means it doesn't appear to be actively working. So I very well probably have dormant tumors in there still. This is still all incredible news, great spot, but just not "remission" or "all clear".

And that is just the way it is at this stage. Some of you say "When your done with all this...." uhm, there is no "done". I could have a miraculous spontaneous remission, and I am ALL for that.

As they told me up front, "We no longer see this as a deadly disease at this stage, but a chronic illness, like diabetes. You never really get "over" diabetes, but you can manage it. And sometimes that management goes better at certain times. However, the management, all the drugs, are still very very very tiring. I was about ready to walk away from it, because I was SO in pain and tired from the treatment itself. But luckily, I get a break and we get to regroup.

And that is the long and short of it right now. And I WILL take it.

If anyone still reads this blog, wow....thanks for sticking in there. I was really too tired, and in pain to really write. But ahhhhhhh, a second wind. Amen.


1 comment:

Emily said...

A break is good, you sure can use it. Rest up and get stronger! I totally understand you never being done with chemo because that is exactly the same story with me, doc said we just need to hit the cancer with a mallet when it starts tearing it's ugly head. Management is the best we can hope for. I get the same questions, people can't seem to understand it and I use the diabetes analogy to help them get it.
I check this blog every day! Don't be sorry for not writing much, you write when you feel it, not to appease others.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, always.
Emily :)