Sunday, December 21, 2008

Solstice, from Mundane thoughts to Gandolf the Grey

Aaaaaaaaaaah. Solstices are one of my favorite times. Winter wins out as my favorite of the two. This year, an unexpected surprise for our area. Lots, and lots, and LOTS of snow. We may get some every year, but this year is going in the books. Here is a picture I took with my phone. And that was just this morning. Last we measured, the ceaseless snow has piled up to 8 inches. Now, for all you mid-westerners browsing through this page, you may scoff. "Pisawh, you silly weak North-westerners! Come to our land, of ice and snow that towers above our heads five months out of the year!". But for this area, unprepared and untested in driving, everything is coming to a standstill. Throw 75 mile hour winds on top of it, coat that with ice storms, and, well, things just got interesting. Oddly enough, we still have power. Usually, a small gust seems to knock it out around here. See all those grand semi-old, very big evergreens we live with here? They love to lose limbs, and they love a good snow storm to help with that.

Luckily, this has us cozied up, Christmas tree lit, fire crackling, and snow literally piling up on our doorstep and we have a still, quiet Christmas one rarely experiences nowadays. Between chemo (still shaking off the last effects of it) and snow, there is no frenzy, no traffic jams, parking lot searches, and testy customers in line. Only stillness and finding light wherever you can. Creating your own warmth, your own fire. That is the heart of Winter Solstice. In the darkest of times, you CREATE light and get by with less than you thought you could.

Kind of like this year. My worst fear is realized (that and being locked in a room covered with crickets and a warped clown, lol!). I really truely have walked through my "dark night" and made it out the other side.....even if this body loses. I really do get to see how strong my heart/soul are becoming.

I was watching Lord of the Rings (yes, I am really that much of a geek, thank you). There was this scene, where Gandolf is riding, straight into a battle against the massive force of evil and darkness, dragons swooping overhead. And Gandolf, the Grey, wise wizard of Middle Earth, rides on his horse, lifting his staff which is illuminated so brightly, the light alone it pushes back the forces back the seemingly impenetratble forces of darkness. (Still reading? Good...) And I had this realization, so akin to my situation, I cried (yes, yes, a sensetive geek...move on).

Our gurus of the day, the people we call heros, are those who can radiate light, in the midst of dark. They are our modern day Grand Wizards. Seemingly magical in their ability to hold to the truth (good, light, loving, etc.) in situations that break many mens spirits. In fact, they ride, straight into the mouth of darkness to bring the message that Light is still present. We want to hold them up as magical, because we can't see in ourselves, or have not yet learned, how to hold our own space, our own power, our own truths, in the midst of trying times. But the truth is, there is no magic to it. It is a god-given power. Part of life. Part of the tools we must evolve within ourselves.

And it comes back to that light, in the darkness. WE must create it. Call it forth. Some say Winter Solstice is a reminder that light is return to us from somewhere outside of us. I think it is a reminder that even in the darkest times, it will come because we call it up from INSIDE us. If you pay attention, and become very very still, and quiet and listen...you will find the ember to fan, and feed and light WILL come.

Happy Solstice!
Jenna

1 comment:

Bruce said...

Dear Jenna,
I'm sorry I haven't written sooner, but it is still not too late to wish you a Merry Christmas. We didn't connect with Tim and Susan until this morning (their day after Christmas). They sent us some great movies of Amelia opening some gifts. I hope this morning was very special for you and your family, especially with the snow. We had a dusting of snow this morning, but nothing like north of us. I liked what you were saying about the winter solstice. I get SAD (seasonal affected disorder)every winter, so I am always looking forward to the spring and more light. Christmas for us is the reminder of the inner light that we believe comes from God and his gift of Jesus, the Light of the world. I will leave you with another of my favorite bible verses. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life". That does not just refer to life with him in heaven, but life with him here and now. In the Lord's prayer we ask that His will be done here on Earth as it would be in heaven. This is what I pray for you; for your physical and spiritual well-being, just as you would be in heaven. Merry Christmas. With much love,
Ronda Ebling