Thursday, August 13, 2009

Refocusing, Moving Forward sassy pants and all....

I must have some energy rising. I would like to say that my alter ego, Cancer Rebel Girl has quieted down a bit after stirring up the dust (and apologizes for the swearing grandma!), but my friends and family have pointed out to me that "THERE'S the girl we know and love!". Or 'Dida put it, "not an alter ego, just a sleeping dragon waking back up". Ha, ha ha. Love you all right back.

I guess this is a more "serious" posting, but don't worry I still have my sassy pants on. (Soma, I am going to take that one for as long as I need it to keep me going).

I have long neglected my workspace for these past few months. But all this reawakening energy, despite the ongoing chemo, has me pulling back to my ideas wall. On it, are posted 25 pink post it notes. 25 Ways to Stay Out of a Cancer Funk. It just keeps coming back up this week. Actually, it has been calling me back for a month. But life has me refocused.

I sat with them, pulling down the ideas: Progressive Muscle Relaxation, Hypnotherapy, If you Can't Move your Body, Move your Body in Your Mind, Gratitude List It Out. Speaking of gratitude, I am SO grateful for the time I spent at Bastyr. I wanted Art School. And got called to do Art Therapy and started at Bastyr, with a degree in Health Psychology. I went on a quest to understand the cancer that has afflicted my family (first my father when I was 13, then my nephew when I was 23). I never knew how I would take these theories from my Health Psychology degree from page to being road tested. Now I have this intimate understanding, that just reading or watching someone go through it, can never really touch.

Guess, what.... they worked.

So for all those people who have asked me to write, I promise, I have not forgotten. And I am still feeling the pull to put these on the page. I will move those ideas from post it note, to paperbound in some form or fashion over the next 6 months. Once my daughter starts school up again, and my days are not about getting through chemo with a now 6 year old in tow, those post it notes will move down one by one. Maybe I will put it on PINK paper.

Here is a shout out to my nephew, Hawk. My daughter brought him up tonight, said she was letting her "voice rise up to those who are spirits" now. He has walked me through this journey in his spirit. How a 5 year old carried himself with such in the NOW energy, moment to moment, laughing right up til the end. I learned that was the key to life. When he was scared, he was scared, and when fear passed, he was playful. When he was in pain, he said so, we helped him, he moved on to playing. I have had this picture I took of him up on my kitchen wall for a couple of weeks, "talking" to him as I pass by for encouragement to remember to be here NOW. He braved his journey so young, with such grace. Thanks little dude for the help along my way. Love you.


bigslamgyrl said...

Great post Jenna. I truly have never met a soul like Hawk before, and don't think I ever will again. Amazing does not even begin to cover it. I love you both.

MiMi said...

Hawk was so dear to us all and such a sweet teaching spirit well beyond his years. He taught me how to stop and "snell" the flowers on all our walks. Even at Children's hopsital we went on a search for a floor with flowers !! Took 3 floors on the cancer wing to find one little lone pot at a nurse's station....oh the joy that it brought. Those small miracles we pass by each day he taught me to see. At his funeral one of the nurses stood up and said when we all get to heaven don't look for the 4 yr old redhead, but for the wisest old soul holding court with the Lord. Oh how true.
Praying all your changes over the next few weeks go well and remember what Hawk used to say..(I still have the lolly pop with it on it from him) Just do it mimi now.
Love from the heart