Thursday, August 6, 2009

Rough Ride Night

Wow, talk about digging deep. I laying here in cold sweats, my insides shaking, and freaking out how I am going to get through the night. I missed my window to get to my friends house, thought this would hit tomorrow. But things are settling down after a rough ride.

My daughter, is amazing. Amazing. After playing around me, watching Dora, and doing puzzles while I slept on and off on the couch, and managed a decent lunch, and back to sleep til 3:00, we pulled it out and managed to get her to her first swim class. She BEAMED and it was worth it. It was close by, or I wouldn't have done it. But it was worth it. After a decent dinner of healthy leftovers, the rough ride returned in force. I was pushing hard through fatigue, and that is where her amazing-ness came back. She retreated to her room for some journaling time, because I explained the drugs were making me feel very tired again.

I callher down for bedtime, I am shaking but she comes down. Brush teeth, she cooperates, I explain she needs to sleep downstairs, because I am so tired, i can't get her back up to her room. She says "okay" and we read Mr. Potters Penguins, and I say I have to sleep. In a cold sweat, she starts to read, I catnap as she manages herself. She can't sleep so early but knows i want her close. She gets what she needs, gives me hugs, journals, reads to me, reads to herself, turns on a CD of stories and falls asleep. How amazing is this child. No child should have to go through this, and she rocks it.

Now to get over my own fears. Next time, I head straight to my friends without waiting to see if it turns. If it turns, I can always come home. But getting through nights like these, is much better not alone. But at least I have been through this before, and have that voice in the back of my head saying, "It is JUST this, and it WILL pass, tomorrow WILL be better". And it already is. I am doing what I need to do to help myself, and it is settling down. Tomorrow will be better.

How deep can your strength go? Pretty amazing.

Thank you good friends for calling and answering the phone today Marcia, Kendyl, I heard you, was just asleep when you called. Candida, always a blessing. Rach, thanks for the daily dose of love and laughter, Mom, thanks for taking the time to walk me through big decisions, and Soma, rock on. And Evelyn, special shout out for the LATE NIGHT talk to help me make sound choices, your friendship is greatly appreciated and I admire your calm insightfulness in other peoples storms.

I may need more help coming up friends. The slow accumulative effects of chemo are slowly setttling in. My rebound not so hot right now. Moral support appreciated, practical support GREATLY appreciated. I have all the ingredients for dish I am unsure I can get around to making, for Bug and I to eat off of for the weekend. Any cookers want to come over for an hour an whip it up if this doesn't shake off? Any chicken soups by the back door are appreciated!! Needed even. I am starting to not keep up.

And whatever angel left the summer squash at the backdoor, thank you! ;)

Off to sleep it off now that the stomach is settling down and the cold sweats are abating.




Daria said...


I've just started following your blog. I'm so sorry that you have to be going through this. It sucks I know ... I'm stage 4 too.


M said...

Our house is here for you next time you need it. Do call us. Love, Monica