Sunday, March 1, 2009

still here

Still here. Still ticking. Just had a rough month adjusting to the Femara and estrogenblocking injection. That, coupled with a zometa treatment that once again, took me down....and a cold/flu...and another. Well, it has challenged my mental state and my physical state.

I have realized I am not going to be bouncing around like new, like I daydreamed about. My bones hurt, the sweats/hotflashes are almost debilitating at times. I was fighting this. And fighting what is, is always the quickest way to drain your energy. I do lots of visualizations about being in good health, but it doesn't change what is. It reminds me what can be, it brings my energy back up, but it doesn't take away the bone pain, or stop the hotflashes but it keeps me from spiraling into depression or stagnation.

Once I realized I was fighting myself...I stopped...and honored my body's need to heal still. I have put off finding a "job" because I wouldn't always be able to show up. And I don't want to be unreliable or fired. lol! But I am doing work, but for that, I will say no more. It is in a baby stage. Needless to say, I am working. Just not for money. But for the passion behind what I am doing. I will be supported. And it is something I can do now. Oh the inrigue.

I realize this blog entry is not written very well. But I am tired (have some cold effecting my lungs), a kid wanting to talk to me, and a new laptop I am adjusting to....who knew that would be so hard on writing!

So, I will leave it there. I am alive and kicking (sometimes screaming), but I am still here.

That top ten list entry, is missing a few. One thing it is missing, is musical medicine. So, hereis my musical message....because this month, I feel like I keep getting knocked down, like a boxer:


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