Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Still Here

Hi All! I am still here. Just LIVING. The couch and me started becoming friends this week, as a cold/flu toyed with me a bit. But onto the news:

There is a strangeness happening. At brunch, a friend, who had a brush with a deadly illness not too long ago, understood what was going on for me. Life around me got frozen in time. And now that I am out of the deep woods, I am having to re-introduce myself to my life.

Small things to big things have been in suspension. Like, what HAS my kid been doing in school? What?! Those tags for the car are FIVE months overdue?

Then, there are all the emotions, you can't deal with in the middle of chemo. because you are focused on doctors appointments, and treatment side effects.......well, they catch up to right about..... now. I like to call this the undoing of the indefinite suspension of time and space. I feel like I was Neo in the Matrix, slowing down time and space and dodging bullets with a ninja like grace. Only now, time is back to regular time and instead of hovering the mid air gracefully, the laws of gravity have hit and I am on the floor in a thud.

Time to deal.

So I have been dealing. Getting car tabs caught up (well, Jim did), getting clothes that fit (I gained weight with the treament....I have not transcended into a monk-like indifference to my appearence....aka...I still have a healthy dose of vainty), and buying shoes that allow me to walk pain free. I am signing up for classes to get my body back in shape, scouring the want ads, sending in writing samples, and taking lots of catnaps. Unpacking boxes, setting up shop, and doing taxes. Life stuff.

I am also doing something I have never done well before. Take care of my body. I take more salt baths, catnap, go to bed at 7:30 when needed, and just sit in parking lots meditating to rejuvenate energy that quickly drains. I am like that granny at the family reunion....gabbing away one second, sleeping sitting at the table the next. It is okay.

One time someone said to me, "I wish I had a good excuse like you do to slow down and ask for help."

My advice.........SLOW DOWN & ASK FOR HELP ANYWAY. Don't get sick. Just take good care of yourself. If you want to sit and take a catnap in the car while Little Jenny is at soccer practice, instead of running an errand, I ensure you that the world won't fall apart. We are told in this society we must be doing three things at once, or we aren't doing enough (especially us women). Pshsawh. Don't drain your adrenals to fit the role of superwomen. RECHARGE. We MUST recharge. Or we will be like the economy, and crash because we were running on fumes but rigging our gaudges to say we have full tanks. So, if you go grocery shopping, and find yourself run down, just sit in the car for TWO MINUTES, that is all I am asking, TWO MINUTES, and center you energy and ground it and feel your heartbeat, and listen to your breath. Recharge.

Anyway, I have been quiet. I was very disoriented. My body is like hot and cold water. Energetic and then drained. It will take awhile for things be feel "normal". But I am getting more and more glimpses of what that will be like if I give myself the time to recharge.

The other reason I have been quiet, I am working on two charity drives (my own creations) and hoping they come to fruition. But, you will have to check back. I hope to announce them on this site in the next week. I am putting the pieces in place before I say anymore!!!

I also have been job hunting......but I will post more on that tomorrow.

For ya!


1 comment:

Kent, Melisa,Tiana (and Coda) said...

Jenna, I finally made it here after wallowing for a couple of days (and most likely a few more to come!) in extreme self-pity, and here I read a bit more of what I need! Thank you!