I didn't get past the opening page of CrazySexyCancer Survivor before her words took my breath away and rekindled my spirit. Go KRIS! I was just telling my friend this week, that even though I am tired, I feel older, still have cancer in me, have had some "freedom" of movement taken away temporarily, etc. I would never trade in this experience, because it has transformed me in ways that have deepened my experience and allowed me to break down old parts of my self that diluted the flavor of Love and Life. I thought I had kindness and compassion before....but I realized.... never for myself. Cancer took me by the shoulders, looked me in the eye and said, "No time to waste, you can't save this for another time!!!!" I shed my old fears, because I simply didn't have the time or energy to feed them. It all had to go into healing. And to heal the body, you had better do some healing of the heart. Sure I know people who have been cured of cancer, and seem to go on auto-pilot and have their body healed. But it is the people who seem to face it, and become fully alive, unbridled and living that seem to be the people who are truly healed, even if their cancer sticks around their bodies.
There was a line in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button that I L-O-V-E-D. After traveling the world for the first time, Benjamin comes home to his adoptive mother. She asks him about his journey, "Did you learn anything worth repeating?" she asked.
I would repeat this. If it meant living with what I have learned on this cancer journey, I would repeat this experience. My heart is softened, kindness is my credo, forgiving and moving on are the norm,.......what' more.....I have allowed this to be not just towards others, but towards myself as well. It doesn't mean I am not lost (I feel very disoriented in my life at the moment), or have all the answers, or don't get angry. It just means I am so deeply freed from my past fears, that I this nirvana-like-bliss allows me to see: my disorientation just means I am finding a new path, the discomfort of feeling ignorant means I am on the cusp of learning something new, and my anger tells me I am resisting admitting I am afraid of something in the moment. Life just got easier. GOT-TO-LOVE-IT.
Okay, okay, I hear you saying, "WHAT?! Jenna you nut! Life got easier with cancer?""
And this brings us back around the Crazy Sexy Cancer Survivor.
Kris Carr sums it up:
A Survivor is a triumphant person who loves with, after, or in spite of a diagnosis or traumatic event. Survivors refuse to assume the identity of their adversity. They are not imprisoned by the constructs of a label. Instead, survivors use their brush with mortality as a catalyst for creating a better self. We transform our experience in order to further evolve spirituality, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Our reality changes us to go deeper.
Survivors cultivate an essence that will never be a victim to a word. (Inspired by Beth Villandry)
GO Kris (and Beth!)