What sweet run is this?

So, chemo today. Double dose of Herceptin so I can have a WEEK OFF NEXT WEEK!

I did it. Made it through round #3!

I am having such a beautiful serene moment. Went to chemo. Had a nap while Becky played with Kara and tidied up a bit for me. And then, my energy CAME BACK.

We went to the grocery store and got some yummy salmon, cooked said salmon and broccoli and had a lovely dinner around Kara's birthday ring (picture to follow), went outside and potted a rosemary bush, and some dahlia's and played hide and seek in the garden with some shells that Kara retrieved today at the beach with Becky. We decided to just leave the shells, they looked to pretty and provided good water dishes for garden faeries.

And now, jazz in playing, the kitchen is clean, Bug is sitting in her indoor fort quietly reading and I feel.....at PEACE. WOAH. Serene. I think if I didn't have my ovaries out, and I had another child somewhere down the road, and it was a girl, I would name her Serenity. It is a good quality.

Now to wrangle the wee child to bedtime and call the day Good. A good day to Heal.

Jenna

Rack Pack

My old high school best friend and warrior goddess of all warrior goddesses is doing The 3 Day Walk. Help find a cure. Save the Ta Ta's and a Life! Donate now!

This year, I'll be participating in a very special event called the Breast Cancer 3-Day.

I'll walk 60 miles over the course of three days with thousands of other women and men. The net proceeds will support breast cancer research, education, screening and treatment through Susan G. Komen for the Cure and the National Philanthropic Trust Breast Cancer Fund.

I've agreed to raise at least $2,300 in donations personally, and $5,000 as a team. So I need your help. Would you please consider making a donation towards my goal? You can give online at www.The3Day.org. Just follow the link below to visit my personal fundraising webpage and make a donation. You can also call 800.996.3DAY to donate over the phone.

My small walking team, the D.C. Rack Pack, is walking in the name of my childhood friend Jenna Smith Helm, who is deep in her battle with Stage IV Breast Cancer. 2 years and still fighting strong and sassy! I am walking for her and I am walking for her daughter, Kara.
You can read all about their story here: http://jennas-journey-to-healing.blogspot.com/

According to Susan G. Komen for the Cure, approximately 200,000 American women will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year, and nearly 40,000 will die from the disease. That's why I'm walking so far. To do something bold about breast cancer. I hope that you'll share this incredible adventure with me - by supporting me in my fundraising efforts. Please feel free to forward this email to anyone you think we like to support this cause.

Thank you in advance for your generosity!

Sincerely,
Soma Brodhun

P.S. Ask your employer if they will double your donation through a matching gift program!

Click here to visit my personal page.
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/Walk/WashingtonDCEvent2009?px=3597725&pg=personal&fr_id=1303&et=n3FGO_TiUGsd5WPjWLa7Gw..&s_tafId=85071

Click here to view the team page for D.C. Rack Pack
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/Walk/WashingtonDCEvent2009?team_id=105281&pg=team&fr_id=1303&et=j_H449CnLe2oELSLkT_xiA..&s_tafId=85071

For more information about the Breast Cancer 3-Day, Susan G. Komen for the Cure or the National Philanthropic Trust Breast Cancer Fund, visit http://www.the3day.org/or call 800.996.3DAY.

Click any of the logos below for more information about that sponsor/partner.

Steroids Insomnia Night

Okay these steroids give me insomnia the night of chemo.

So high, from the middle of the night.

Zometa - Navelbine - Herceptin - Zofram - Atavan

daily Neurontin, Oxycontin, and some anti-seziure/anxiety drug (god bless it).

I want to interject something here.

I am all hippy earthy mother type. I want to go all natural. But as you can see, I am a walking pharmacy. God bless it. It keeps me here, and moving. I have had time with pain meds. I have TONS of pain med controls that are all natural. I think I am on such low doses of pain meds because I do all that other stuff.

On another note. Currently, I am on anti-anxiety drugs. GOD BLESS THEM. I do not have the time to give to the natural methods. I will get back to them soon. I feel it. But right now, I am going through a divorce, parenting alone (for now), and dealing with financial stresses, and cancer uncertainty. I hit my end point and took the meds to think clearly and make good choices.

I say this because this blog is filled with lots of natural ways to help keep your mood up while going through all this cancer smacher stuff. However, know your end point and know when to get the extra help.

I am not depressed at all. But one girl can only handle so much uncertainty, lack of sleep, and body doing freaky shit before a little med help can be of SERVICE to you. I feel like myself again. I feel clear headed and sleep better. Aaaaaaaaaah.

I say this for those trying to stay all natural, but maybe feeling ashamed that maybe you need some medical help.

So for now. I am a pharmacy. I am honoring the mix of natural empowerment of the bodies immune/stress system, and using adjacent medical help.

I think I am starting to see my patterns. Seeing where I need help. And seeing where I need to do some work to keep this boat afloat. I am scared, and hopeful, and looking forward to what life will be like a year from now. ;)

This morning Kara and I took a walk in the misty morning park, finding gardens, and creeks, and moss to give to daddy when she sees him next. I felt normal. It was beautiful. I the simple things in life never change. Nature is always there to heal, children are always there to keep you in the present moment, and friends are always there for hugs. THAT is what life is about. The rest is transient.

Love, love, love
Jenna

Nevalbine, Herceptin, and Zometa, oh my!

So, I know many of you are wondering what the trip has been like this week. A little bit of everything really. It is following the ebb and flow of the past chemo. Wednesday it felt like I had a flu, but then it broke around 4:00. Today, I felt GREAT in the a.m., then the aches and joint pains set in in the afternoon. A short cat nap, and lots of water helped tremendously. So many WATER is the key.

By 5:00, my energy was back up and I was hanging with my daughter like nothing happened. It is just all over the place. After watching it this week, the two keys to getting through this will be:

1) Daily naps. My daughter and I have already started up a booktime. She sits on one end of the couch and reads, I sit on the other. I have the option of napping while she does. She rocks. This kid, just rocks.

2) WATER. As stated above. When I get feeling achy, drinking water seems to almost immediately help. So I must be dehydrated.

I am going back to my weekly acupuncture. She is a healing goddess and will help me weather this round. Something feels, easier, all around. Lighter this time. Maybe it is like having a second child, you've been there, don't that, know this will be the same, but different. I dunno.

On a completely, rocking fun note......Sharon emailed me yesterday saying I HAD to try to win tickets to have lunch/concert with Tori Amos.........and I WON A SPOT! So I am taking a dear friend, who only ever gets to see the back of Tori's head at concerts, and giving him one of my passes to see her up close and oh so personal. Thanks Sharon!!!!!!!!!


Jenna

What a difference a drug makes

Wow. Just wow. One two fronts. Let's go in order shall we?

First of all. In the waiting room for chemo, I usually put myself in a protective bubble. So many people see us "young ones" and have this look of pity. A double take. Is that a PORT TUBE coming out of YOU .....I even hear it often, but you are so YOUNG!

But Monday, this light of a angel sat down next to me and I did something unusual. I had a hunch she was a breast cancer gal too and I introduced myself. And she was. She was filled with smiles and light and good information. She was a Herceptin girl too, but she was allergic. And guess what, she was just like me. Stage IV, in all the same spots. And guess what, she is in remission now for awhile, but still gets weekly chemo. She's been through 13 drugs. She went on to tell me there are many others "like us", who have been around the block for 14 plus years! Pre Hereptin and all. She was just full of life and I love her for sitting down next to me. She gave me Hope.

And now the second bit of good news. I feel great today. Even after the steriods have worn off. I spent the day gardening even and getting as much in order in case the cumulative effect hits over time and my backyard is as far as I go. Bug is all set up too with backyard games, sidewalk chalk, lots of mud pits, and mint to eat. I feel GOOD. COOL.

Here is hoping this means this drug is what they said it would be, easy. ;)

Oh thank the Lord. I feel the earth stabilizing under my feet after two months of feeling like I was walking on quicksand.

I wish I had some good pics to share of my gardening work. But I don't yet.


I will share this though, a link to some inspiring music. If I feel this good, and stay this stable, I plan to join this Choir of Light. Always with the music. It can keep me moving and my spirits lifted. I sing around the house allllll the time. I have always wanted to be a part of a choir, but this one is "different". Check it out, click below and listen away.



The rendition of Amazing Grace is, well, amazing.

It is so amazing to me, to be going back into stage IV chemo, having my family transition, and still have Hope.


Cancer may take my body one day, but it will NEVER break my spirit, even when I am scared and overwhelmed, there is always the light waiting.

Jenna

The Big Ole Heap of News and Updates

Wow. How to sum up the last two months.

Surgery. Went well. Didn't do the trick.

Marriage in transition. I will be going this journey alone now and that is all I will say on the subject on this blog. Sometimes, cancer brings you closer together, sometimes it helps you realize where you need to heal on your own. I choose on my own.

I am now a single mamma......who is......

going back to chemo tomorrow.

I have been busy trying to do TOO much. I have refocused this weekend on just BEING with my daughter. We've been busy planting and caring for our backyard, since that is probably where I will spend most of my summer. Lots of herbs planted. Grasses that sway in the breeze, butterfly attracting flowers, sprinklers, ring tosses, and sidewalk chalk. I just wish I had a hammock and we'd be all good.

I am also busy getting setup to undergo chemo with a child in tow and no in home backup. Good news is that this new chemo drug is suppose to be as easy on me as Herceptin. We just have to wait and see. I sure hope so. None the less, I have to heal, and I have to heal in the middle of a divorce. So I am looking for a live in doula/student/massage therapist, in exchange for free room and board. Top priority. But again, if this is as easy as Herceptin, I must just be able to pull this off with LOADS of help from friends. Don't be shy. I will need WAY more help than last time and I am not ashamed to ask for it. I have my daughter alone all summer. No camps, etc. Just her and I. If I get things set up just right, and things are too hard on me, this might be nice. I will keep you posted.

We had a rockin' 4th. Actually got down to a parade AND a fireworks show together! We had a great time.

I am a tad bit sad to start chemo, but more in the realm of being afraid of the unknown. Good news is, once again, I feel stronger than ever in character and heart.

Let you know.......back to blogging........
Jenna

Hopefully a Hiccup because I refuse to give up my good times

I don't know how long this blog has been quiet for. I have been having such a good time dropping off my daughter at school, and having energy to play with her and take her places. I have also been talking one film school class and my passions have come back to life. I forgot how much I wanted to do film work and it has really lit my life back up. I go to sleep excited and wake up excited.

I have thought, "I should blog". I forget people actually follow it. But I was LOVING LIVING and having long stretches of not thinking about cancer at all. Coming back to the blog would have popped my bubble.

But a month ago, the Lupron had a hiccup. It did make me menopausal. We thought maybe we were just too late with the second dose. But after the second dose, I got a period too.

After that last period, my energy has been hitting the wall. I can feel that slow drain, like sand in an hourglass. And I was starting feel so tired, I was getting shaky and going to bed at 5:00. I knew none of this was good. But was hoping I was just "doing too much".

Not so, the marker are slowly starting to creep back up, like I thought. It was confirmed this week. That plus the Lupron not working means we have to act. And so we are going to either do radiation or surgery to shut down the ovaries.

I have an appointment with the radiation oncologist today (Hi Astrid!), and will know more about what is next. My medical oncologist thought that we could get me into radiation faster, but she isn't sure it is the best answer, so she is referring me to Astrid to see what she thinks. My medical oncologist thinks that we could get me in faster and therefore shut down the ovaries faster. And it would be less invasive. BUT ....I get to decide which sounds better.

And I JUST got a call from my oncologist. I have NO VITAMIN D in my system. Wow. Vit D is vital in combating breast cancer. So i am going to go a special hi-dose perscription form. She said it isn't uncommon in Seattle. Wew. Glad it didn't mean something in my body wasn't working right!

Okay, so the sand is shifting shifting shifting.

Pray I shift with it well.

Final joke:
You know you are living in a strange cancer world when:
You have a message on your voicemail saying, "Hi Jenna, I had some thoughts about your ovaries, I will try you again later."

Surreal.

Jenna