Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Steroids Insomnia Night

Okay these steroids give me insomnia the night of chemo.

So high, from the middle of the night.

Zometa - Navelbine - Herceptin - Zofram - Atavan

daily Neurontin, Oxycontin, and some anti-seziure/anxiety drug (god bless it).

I want to interject something here.

I am all hippy earthy mother type. I want to go all natural. But as you can see, I am a walking pharmacy. God bless it. It keeps me here, and moving. I have had time with pain meds. I have TONS of pain med controls that are all natural. I think I am on such low doses of pain meds because I do all that other stuff.

On another note. Currently, I am on anti-anxiety drugs. GOD BLESS THEM. I do not have the time to give to the natural methods. I will get back to them soon. I feel it. But right now, I am going through a divorce, parenting alone (for now), and dealing with financial stresses, and cancer uncertainty. I hit my end point and took the meds to think clearly and make good choices.

I say this because this blog is filled with lots of natural ways to help keep your mood up while going through all this cancer smacher stuff. However, know your end point and know when to get the extra help.

I am not depressed at all. But one girl can only handle so much uncertainty, lack of sleep, and body doing freaky shit before a little med help can be of SERVICE to you. I feel like myself again. I feel clear headed and sleep better. Aaaaaaaaaah.

I say this for those trying to stay all natural, but maybe feeling ashamed that maybe you need some medical help.

So for now. I am a pharmacy. I am honoring the mix of natural empowerment of the bodies immune/stress system, and using adjacent medical help.

I think I am starting to see my patterns. Seeing where I need help. And seeing where I need to do some work to keep this boat afloat. I am scared, and hopeful, and looking forward to what life will be like a year from now. ;)

This morning Kara and I took a walk in the misty morning park, finding gardens, and creeks, and moss to give to daddy when she sees him next. I felt normal. It was beautiful. I the simple things in life never change. Nature is always there to heal, children are always there to keep you in the present moment, and friends are always there for hugs. THAT is what life is about. The rest is transient.

Love, love, love

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