Wednesday, September 3, 2008
It's All About Going with the Flow
This morning, I had the privilege of taking my daughter back to school for her first full day of school. I can't believe yesterday I received chemo, and today, I actually could walk her to up the hill to school, and be so clear headed. Yes, my hips ached, and I had to walk like a granny at times. On the drive in, my GI, fresh from the chemo hit, was all mangled and in pain. But had this clarity of mind and peace. If I didn't, the pain would have been worse, and the nausea debilitating Instead, they just were there, quietly informing me not to push it. I didn't have this clarity three months ago - the pain was too much. So I know things are improving slowly.
The key to making it to the first day of school was to ADJUST my ways, (ie, walk slowly, just take my time in general...no rush rush, no Type A allowed, it is the new way of being for me.). When I let go, and work with what is (not just ignoring the pain, or supressing the nausea), answers come and ajustments can be made so that I can, instead of can't. And I managed to watch my daughter go off to her first day of school. Precious times. I reveled in feeling the coolness of fall breezes temper the warmth of the early fall sunlight. Little taste of heaven.
And now I am back home. My hip is indeed unhappy about that hill. So instead of complainging about not being able to walk up hills, I learn. Next time, I have to park closer, even if it makes us late looking for a spot. And if possible, begin an exercise program that will help restrengthen that hips safely.
Now that I am home, I will now tend to my GI to get it calm, go do hypnotherapy to turn that pain in my hip (and back) down. And see what I can do to cleanse to flu-like feeling of chemo.
I was thinking I would start posting more about some of my pain management techniques in detail. I would like to extend this board out to other metasized cancer patients. I did get my degree in Health Psychology and have a bag load of tools that help increase the immune system response and turn down pain, through a variety of techniques. I would like to share those, so that those going through any pain/illness situation might also be able to muster up the REAL CLEAR energy to enjoy special moments, like first days of school.
I also will post on what chemo is like. I think many of you have questions, and I don't mind sharing what a day at chemo is like. It probably isn't as horrid as you would think. It is more dealing with the side effects that make chemo such a rough ride. It is SO important to rest and let stress go. For example:
Yesterday was convocation day at my daughters school. It is a busy hectic time full of high energy and swirling people/greetings/meetups. I thought I would need to be a fly on the wall to get through it. But, I did my techniques to control pain, and up my energy, and then I knew NOT to let stress stick. I didn't get mad at traffic, worried about parking, or the crowds get me overwhelmed. It just let it all go. I also knew, that once the fatigue hits, I HAVE TO STOP. If I don't, the landslide that follows it hard to pull out of. Pain increases, nausea increases, weakness increase, and numbess and tingling settle into my extremities. (One night, I was so scared I was loosing my legs permanently, numbness and tingling set in so profoundly. It is a side effect of chemo but could also be because of my tumors on my spine. Only time will tell. It of couse, went away, but it set in because I overdid that day!!!) I have learned my lesson. Listen to the whispers of the body and rest!)
Next week is Zometa week. I am bracing for the impact. I will need ALL DAY HELP from someone isn't afraid of pain and seeing a friend in a weakened state. So, if anyone close by is up for a full day of: reading, making sure when I walk I don't fall, help me sit up, bring me popsicles and Oxycontin, and be OKAY with it. Please contact me or Sharon. Even if it is a split shift. This is a real NEED HELP day. It would be Wednesday and Thursday of next week. You have got to be at peace with being here. It wasn't a pretty ride and I am NOT myself. Hopefully, this time will be easier than the last!!! If you can't make it, but do energy work....hold a special minute or two throughout the day to send on some good vibes!
Love to all!!