Monday, September 1, 2008

Into Fall

Wow. Summer has past. In a blink. The quickest summer I have yet experienced. So much of it was spent asleep, like a bear, healing. Still healing.

School starts tomorrow. Learning this, "how to be a parent with cancer" thing is still bumpy. Energy is limited, and you must expend it wisely. Too much, and you get tired, grumpy, and impatient...not ones ideal. Retreat too much, and the little ones become unsettled and push buttons to get you to engage. I have a high energy girl. Wew. The path has been quick to turn direction and we don't know what we are going to get. I am hoping school will help give her consistency in an inconsistent time. In the end, we are teaching her how to flow. How to assess where things are at, and live in that moment, and the next, things might change.

And tomorrow, I will be the parent with "cancer". I don't want the attention of that. I want to go under the radar and just be there for her. The energy I have is so fleeting, I want to save it to welcome in her first day of school. I want to do Jedi Mind Tricks, and not be seen. Just pass by unnoticed. I want to conserve my energy. I have chemo after her "back to school" event. I know I write this blog very publicy, but I tend to not want attention. (I write this blog to help others, and inform others...not for publicity...that is the trade off I pay...).It is strange to take your child to their first day of school, and then off to chemo. Again, surreal.

As for me. I have had an improved week. More clear headed, stronger, longer phases of steady energy. I am doing more around the house. Laundry, cooking, cleaning. But today I feel it. Weird numbness (I get this often, in passing, usually by the next day). I am hoping a good nights sleep will get this weirdness will end by tomorrow.

Still hunting for a nan
ny. Not really anyone responding this time. Hopefully we can work something out with a good fit this week.

And the other thing that comes with fall is classes at the CancerLifeLine. I am itching to exercise, but afraid to hurt my back and bones. Going there, I feel confident they have dealt with my situation before and can guide me to the exercise without harm to my body. I am OUT OF SHAPE. Walking around the park, when I got there, went very slowly, and painfully. I now can lift my legs, and the hips don't hurt so much. So I can do more. I would love to get back my Yoga body now !!!! Wish me well on that front. I need it. I really need to feel strong again. I am ready to work towards it!

Happy September everyone!
Blessings, and much love,

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