Friday, August 29, 2008

Managing and Improving

These last few days, I am starting to have glimpses of seeing through the chemo and the cancer. I can't put it into words. Like a veil is slowly being lifted. I have been able to stand and make dinner, and not hurting by the end. I have had clarity of thought for longer stretches (if I have taken good care and napped), and am thinking out beyond myself and my families basic needs. It still is taking energy and planning, but something...shifted.

With help, naps, and good tlc, the times I do have feel more normalized. I am so grateful for that.

For the first time, in awhile, I had enough energy to go out after 7:00!!! Whooohooo! I know, I know, you think ... Party animal!!! I went to a movie with a friend. Oh my, how normal. I napped before I went, that helped. But before, even that seemed like too much. But a I am moving on up. hehehehe. (As a chica with cancer, you learn to be like a cat, and curl up in the thin thread of light coming in through the matter how small it may seem).

I also am learning limits. Went to Fred Meyer to get schools supplies for Bug and some much overdue household items. By the end, I felt very weak and it was hard to think straight. I snapped at the cashier!! I also apologized. It gets scarey at those mundane moments that are too much. But I just rest, and remember where I started with all of this. It is getting "better".

I just keep telling myself, "those scans in September are going to look soooooooo gooood." (No, I don't know exactly when yet...)

Keeping sending lots of healing energy!!!! Is that the light at the end of the tunnel? I have a ways to go, and need to pace myself, but....maybe?


No comments: