Saturday, August 23, 2008

This is Tricky

First of all, a friend pointed out an "ouch" point. And I want to apologize. She was hurt by me saying "It seems as if some of you still aren't 'getting' it". If she felt hurt, some of the rest of you might feel hurt as well.

I was getting some reoccuring themes in conversations with people. And I realized that it either isn't sinking in what I is going on, or I am not being clear. So, I wrote that post, to be as clear as possible about what is going on.

This is a gigantic beast. And I am overwelmed at the complexity of trying to keep everyone informed. And in the end, it is impossible for me to know what questions you have, or what information you missed. I am relying on you asking me direct and clear questions if you have them. I cannot stress this enough. I know you might be worried about sounding insensitive or harsh or inappropriate. This blog was not intended to be a detailed report on my cancer. But more like a day by day, what is going on for me. And I am ALL over the board. Somedays I am dealing with logistics of getting by. Somedays I am absorbed in pain, yet want to post to keep in touch, and barely make any sense. Somedays I don't want to think about it at all, but just want to focus on some other issues.

It isn't intended to fill in all the blanks, and some of them are left blank intentionally. I am relying on my friends, or people with questions, to ask me directly. Please do not be afraid to do so. I cannot keep track of what I have said or not said right now and to whom. I can even remember what I did yesterday most days. While I do try to think "what is the newest information" or "what do they need to know", most days I am just trying to put something out there to stay in touch. Sometimes, while I am writing, my brain feels like a cat falling down a well and trying to claw into the sides of the well and climb back out. I think "I shouldn't write in this state of mind" but I also don't want to go days without writing, because they worries some of you too.

What is that saying "You can't please all the people all the time."

I can see the focus of the blog is shifting. And it is becoming more public, and stretching out beyond it's original purpose. So, the tones and entry content may change as well.

Off to go back to sleep,
sweet dreams,

1 comment:

Kent, Melisa,Tiana (and Coda) said...

Jenna, I want to thank you for taking time to care for us and educate us while you are dealing with everything you are learning and taking in -- both mentally and physically -- through this your journey. For me, anyway, this is the first time as an adult that I have the honor of being more than "just" the barista who makes cards for the "stricken" person and so I'm sure I've made some bumbling mistakes, but I thank you for letting me step in and be a friend as much as you need. It is my hope that I am able to be a comfort as much as I am able, a friend, just someone you know you can count on, and in that you will never and can never offend me! At work the other day I had a HUGE conversation with my manager and we agree, that with the right intent, there are no "major" mistakes -- unless someone is physically hurt or endangered because of that decision. I see no reason for that ever happening as the result of a blog entry -- so write on! HUGS!

-- Mel