Thursday, July 3, 2008

Not really sure what to say today. Don't want to be false happy, or false sad. Just kind of hanging in a limbo land of not feeling so great and a little "lost" feeling. Had a fever of unknown origin two days ago, and have been run down since.

But today, I had a wonderful visit with an acupuncturitst/ND who really helped me feel heard and understood in ways I am used to speaking about my body. Not compartmentalized, and seen as a series of undiagnosable symptoms. But she really took time to see the whole picture, and address issues without throwing more pills at me (which seem to make me feel less and less like myself).

So, now with the steadier mind post-acupuncture, and a GI system that is finally moving some, I have a renewed effort to really BALANCE this journey. All the meds, and meds for side effects for meds are starting to make me hazy and unhealthy. So, next step is to find more balance between what my body can do on it's own, and what meds I really really need.

I am just blessed this acupuncturist/ND can come to my house once a week. She is in no way advocating a one-sided approach, and wants to make sure we are working WITH chemo/the docs, but yet speaks "my language". Very helpful.

Still, feeling kind of, I dunno" hazed/lost/chemo brained. It is hard to not be independent and to rely not only on someone for Bug, but myself as well. My wonderful mother--in-law is heading home this weekend after a two week stay with us. And I am not sure what we are going to do next week.

I have plenty of people wanting to take Bug, but we really need a long term in-home help situation. I miss her. She misses me. We need to be together. So, I am asking the universe to give me the energy I need to pull that together.

Not ever entry will be all bubbly. But it doesn't mean I am all down in the blues either. It just is what is going on. Truth = power to act.

Stay cool, dry, and happy this weekend.

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