Wednesday, July 30, 2008
The Yin and the Yang of it All
So, I am definitely in a "Yin/Yang" mood. Really having troubles with being home bound now. That is good, it means I am feeling well enough to feel antsy! And therein lies the Yin/Yang of it all. Doing well enough to feel shut in, not yet able to take on more. Striking the balance. I know me. I can feel sick if I feel "down". Feeling shut in makes me feel down. I am wanting to be "of service" to the world again. Not taking up couch space. Hmmmmm. Yet I need the energy to heal. Oh, where is the balance point. I am searching.
And therein lies more good news. Where oh, where, did those pesky tumors go? From 4cm to "is that it?" in 2 weeks. Again, all my energy is being poured into healing.
It also feels like everyone dropped off the face of the earth. Now, I know this isn't true. I have phone calls logged to prove it to myself. It is how I FEEL. Reality, and Feeling can be very different from one another. This is Very key.
So, take of guilty hats and hang them back up. It is my mental journey here. My own, and only my own. I am trying to stay real and honest here. So when I get in these weird moods, I sometimes go back over my own writings and pull them back into my consciousness. It will remind me that I do have some wisdom and insight stuck inside, even if happens to be under a layer of goopy self-pity somedays. So, I will share this entry from "my other blog"....and remind myself of what is true on a day I feel kinda lost and clogged up.
Below is an excerpt from a writing I did in preparation for the first wedding I ever officiated (and my only as of this date). I did what I typically do to center. I walked in nature, found my meditation spot, cleared my mind, and just "listened". I feel as if I merely take dictation. It is automatic, unedited, and raw. I learn from these as much as the people who read them do. This particular writing is what set me to write this blog, after several requests for me to publish/share it. So, enjoy:
I thought I needed to write down my mind to mellow it and make it a clear path to my heart. But as I sit by the creek, singing - I deepen my understanding of the Presence of the Divine in each and every moment. We only need to bring our awareness to It.
It is not a long expedition, with clues and mystery. It is far more simple and accessible than we typically believe. It simply takes quieting the chatter and stilling our ego's energy and it WILL reveal itself with ease.
To analyze why I have become deafened to It's voice and numbed to It's touch only makes It withdrawal from my consciousness further. It does not need to know why I have cut myself off from It's presence - for it is like water - you only need to open your hands and It will fill you - for that is Divinity's true nature.
So today, I set aside all judgment upon myself for my misunderstandings, my shortcomings, and my humanity and simply embrace the Power of the Divine and let it flow through my heart and radiate from my being. May my steps be made with Grace today and may my words be Wise and Kind, for that is my True Nature - all else is only fear.
And so it is.